Taking Inventory--Cultivating a Healthy Home

Parenting is the greatest adventure I've ever known! It has changed me and challenged me in so many ways. I used to think that if I had a schedule/plan and did my very best, all the details would add up to this picture perfect life. I would ask the Lord for help and guidance, but I'd stress out like it was all up to me. It's one thing to ask the Lord for guidance and do everything in our power to live out his plan. It's entirely different when we ask the Lord for guidance and then navigate our obstacles, stressed out and worried, thinking it's all up to us.

Jon Thomas (17), Karleigh (9), Jared (13),  Jordan (16)

God has blessed us with four beautiful children. They constantly amaze me! In those precious moments when they share their hearts with me, I see wisdom, strength, and discernment beyond their years. If I've learned anything through my parenting journey, it's that I am human and I will NEVER be perfect; nor will I be able to meet every mental, spiritual, or emotional need of my children. Jon and I do everything in our power to encourage, empower and counsel our kids, but only God can meet all their needs. Therefore He deserves all the glory as our children develop into Godly men and women.

I am continually brought to my knees with prayer requests for my kids...requests for direction, protection, provision, friendships, etc. One thing I wish I'd known in my younger years was the power of prayer.  As I stated earlier, I had a tendency to lean on my knowledge and strength as I cared for my kids' physical and emotional needs. This seemed to work well in their early years, but looking back I realize how much more fun I could've had--the freedom and joy I would've experienced if I had trusted the Lord more and worried less. As I've grown and matured in my faith and as a parent, I've learned to pray fervently when there are concerns or red flags. In her book "The Power of a Praying Parent," Stormie Omartian states, "I learned to identify every concern, worry, fear, or possible scenario that came into my mind as a prompting by the Holy Spirit to pray for that particular thing." Jon and I have seen God answer desperate prayers when we call out for help. The Lord healed a significant heart murmur found at our daughter's two-week check up. God has placed great friends in our kids lives and has "weeded out" friends that were not good influences. We've experienced unity as a family at times when Jon and I have had to make significant decisions that would affect everyone in our home.

This is a printable on imom.com that specifies ways to pray for your family, including scriptures to pray for each topic.

Every morning before breakfast, I pray that the Lord would guard my children's hearts and minds during that particular day. Proverbs 4:23-27 is a wonderful passage of scripture to teach and discuss with your kids. In this passage, God emphasizes the importance of guarding our hearts. The heart guides our decision making. He states that whatever enters our eyes, ears and thoughts determines the condition of our hearts and ultimately the direction of our lives. Our kids need to hear this! When my oldest child was in the first grade, a friend of mine mentioned how she had her kids physically put on the armor of God before leaving their home each day. I loved this idea and immediately integrated it into our morning schedule. The children say each verse and pretend to put on each piece of armor while quoting the scriptures (Ephesians 6:14-17). They are memorizing the scripture while getting a visual picture of how God protects each part of our physical body.

When a child becomes a teenager, there is a beautiful relationship that emerges between a parent and a child, but there are also other voices that begin competing for the child's loyalty. I want to be their biggest cheerleader and their closest confidante, as I guide them toward the One who is with them at ALL times. Great parenting takes dedication and determination! An NIV commentary on Proverbs 4:5-7 explains--"If you want wisdom, you must decide to go after it. It takes resolve--a determination not to abandon the search once you begin, no matter how difficult the road may become. This is not a once-in-a-lifetime step, but a daily process of choosing between two paths--the wicked (4:14-17, 19) and the righteous (4:18). Nothing else is more important or valuable." Be consistent with your kids. Make clear boundaries and explain why you have set them. Consistency and communication go hand-in-hand. Talk to your children!! Let them know that you aren't perfect, and that you don't expect perfection from them. I want my kids to know even though I fail at times, I put forth my best effort all the time. Apologize when you do fail. Let them see humility in you, and the willingness to ask for their forgiveness. I promise, this will go MILES.

Jon with our teenage boys at an Alabama football game (Fall 2013)

As I approached the topic of parenting and cultivating a healthy home environment, I decided to gather some data from our kids about their perspectives on our home. As Jon and I are raising our four children, we're in a constant state of "tweeking"... how can we improve, are we as attentive as we should be, did we respond in the best way to that situation, etc. Keep in mind that Jared and Karleigh answered the questions together, but the older boys were asked individually and didn't know how their siblings had answered. The questions I presented were as follows...

I) What do we do well as parents and as a family?
Karleigh (9): We have devotions every night and serve the Lord. Our family goes to church and prays together 4 times a day.
Jared (13): As a family, we always take time out of our week to spend time together. We always eat supper together. We make it a point to go to everyone's activities.
Jordan (16): We are really good at acknowledging when we've done something wrong, and we're quick to apologize.
Jon Thomas (17): Our whole family is welcoming. The neighborhood kids and friends from school always feel comfortable at our home.

II) What makes our home an enjoyable place?
Karleigh: We have fun doing things together--mini golfing, getting Sonic shakes, laughing together. We are welcoming of others.
Jared:  We do a variety of things for fun...we don't do the same thing over and over. We make each other laugh.
Jordan: We understand each other. We all have a similar sense of humor, so it's easy to make each other laugh.
Jon Thomas: Each member can take a joke. We know each other's humor and what makes each person laugh. Nobody takes our lighthearted humor personally.

III) What makes our home a safe haven?
Karleigh: You are all nice to me and comfort me when I'm scared.
Jared: We're respectful of each other. We never scream at one another.
Jordan: Most of the time you seem to understand where we're coming from.
Jon Thomas: You accept me.

One of the first things I noticed was how important laughter is to each of our kids. We do laugh ALOT! Every evening at dinner, there are a multitude of topics that emerge...many of which bring laughter. I've prayed that each person in our family would have positive, uplifting memories of their time in our home.  I also noted that two of the four expressed that our home is "welcoming". When Jon and I married, I remember specifically praying that our home would be a place of peace...a place where people felt comfortable and at ease. As we had children, I asked God to help us provide a home where our kids would want to bring their friends. During the boys' younger years, Jon built a cool fort (twice, because we moved), and we invested in a trampoline because we wanted our home to be FUN! As I'm taking inventory of our kids' thoughts, God helped me see direct answers to my current prayers, as well as answers to prayers that were prayed years ago.

Karleigh and me after participating in the mud games at church camp :)

IV) How could we improve our home/family environment?
Karleigh: We could be less irritating to one another.
Jared: Sometimes I feel like I spend too much time playing video games.
Jordan: I feel like at times you don't acknowledge that you are wrong when we present our case.
Jon Thomas: As parents, I think you should look more at the "dos" instead of saying, "We need to maintain boundaries." We need to focus more on the "dos", less on the "don'ts."

It's important to provide a safe environment where your kids can respectfully present their thoughts, even when they're not positive. Children are insightful and very perceptive.  Honestly, Jon and I have learned much from our kids through the years.  Does this mean we immediately make changes or agree with every argument they have? Ummm, no!! BUT, we listen carefully and thank them for their honesty. How can we tell our kids that they can come to us with anything if we're not willing to listen when they disagree with us?

Here are two great passages of scripture to pray for your children:

"I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called--his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance," Ephesians 1:16-18.

"We have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy," (Colossians 1:9-11 NLT).

Jon and I are so far from perfect, but our prayer is that Jon Thomas, Jordan, Jared and Karleigh will be world changers for God's glory.  In all our imperfections, our desire is that God's grace and perfection shines through!!

"Praying the Scriptures For Your Children" and "The Power of a Praying Parent" give specific scriptures to pray when confronted with various challenges that your children face. (They address challenges that effect children of all ages.) 

*Imom.com is an incredible website with great ideas and guidance for parenting kids of all ages. You can also follow her on Pinterest.  Here are a few of her recent posts that you might find helpful:

www.imom.com/mom-life/family-fun/spring-break-bucket-list 
www.imom.com/parenting/toddlers/parenting/training/25-things-kids-can-do-on-their-own/
http://www.imom.com/espresso-minute/2014/03/17/the-best-parenting-books/
http://www.imom.com/parenting/teens/parenting/training/10-life-skills-your-teen-needs-before-leaving-home/

**Focus on the Family has been a wonderful resource for parents for since the late 1970s:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/articles/parenting_ministry.aspx

Fitness 101

My earliest memories of exercise are when I was about 12 years old.  I remember "running" with my dad...ok, HE would run, I would would jog v-e-r-y slowly.  When I was 17 years old, my mom and I joined a local fitness center.  I had my first encounter with aerobics classes and treadmills at Ozark Fitness Center.  It was truly the beginning of a life long habit that I thoroughly enjoy!!  Last summer, I started talking with a friend of mine about the fitness industry, and her heart for mentoring women in this area was obvious.  I began attending Linda Denton's group exercise classes and with her help, I became licensed to teach.  I'm so excited to have her as a "guest blogger," sharing her passion and knowledge for health and wellness.  Enjoy her fitness and nutrition tips, awesome recipes and encouragement to live your life to the fullest.

 My name is Linda Denton, 37, wife of a wonderful husband Andy, and mother of three great kids~ Lexie (9), Ashlyn (8) and Drew (6). I am a sister to four siblings, a lover of God, fitness fanatic and crazy baker. 

I have always been an active person, playing basketball since junior high, and participating in anything else my brothers or sisters wanted to play.  After getting married, I started a desk job, turned 25, and realized I needed more physical activity.  We bought a treadmill, which was effective until I became bored with the same work out every day.  Six months later, Andy and I joined a local YMCA.  They had everything from treadmills, ellipticals, stationary bikes and group exercise classes.  This was the perfect fit for me – it added variety to my work outs, and gave Andy and me the ability to work out together before heading to work!

Then came my first pregnancy....the doctor said I could do any workout I had done before pregnancy, with the exception of crunches after six months.  I believe my labor and quick deliveries (less than 2 hours long) went so well because I was able to exercise during all three pregnancies.  After giving birth to my third child, I struggled to lose those final fifteen pounds.  Determined to return to my pre-pregnancy weight, I decided to embark on a new adventure.  I had been attending group exercise classes for three years and loved my instructors.  I completed my group exercise certification and started teaching.  It has been a great adventure!  I have met so many people and thoroughly enjoy what I do.  I love to encourage and strengthen other moms and women just like me. 

Through the years I have gathered a few helpful fitness tips.  I believe if you integrate the following suggestions into your schedule, you will see a huge difference in your overall health and energy level. 

FIRST TIP:  MAKE IT A ROUTINE.

  My everyday life looks very typical.  I get up, make breakfast, pack lunches, work on homework, help the kids get dressed, and drive them to school.  After dropping my kids off,  I head directly to the gym.  When Lexie, Ashlyn and Drew were younger, they knew this was the routine.  Make your work out an appointment every day--don’t schedule other appointments during your gym time. If finances are tight, there is a variety of ways to "cut corners".  
1) Many local YMCA’s offer sponsorships. Check with the Member Services to see if you qualify for assistance.
2)  Frequently, health insurance plans provide reimbursements if you work out twelve or more times in a given month.  If you are eligible for Silversneakers (55+ seniors), many health insurance companies will pay for your health club membership.  You need to sign up through the "Silver and Fit" (formerly Silversneakers) program.
3) If you want to get really creative, work in the childcare area a few times a week and get a free membership.  Your kids can go to work with you!  
4) Get certified to teach a fitness class, and you'll receive a free membership.   

Most women who work out with a buddy will be more inclined to keep their fitness routine.  The hardest part of working out is showing up!

SECOND TIP: GROUP EXERCISE.

  I love my group exercise classes!  I teach everything from cycling, boot camp, hi/low aerobics, step aerobics, water aerobics to seniors.  When you work out as a group, you become friends with people in the class. There's a sense of community and accountability within each class...women look forward to the social aspect of the class.  Before my kids were in school, I connected with moms and scheduled play dates after we worked out.  Going to a group exercise class also gives you variety and allows an expert to create your workout.  Try several group exercise classes to see what you enjoy most. Make sure you mix in strength training, as well as cardio classes. 

THIRD TIP: WORKOUT GEAR. 

 Spend a little money and get some new outfits, or use it as a reward when you reach your goal.  Shoes breakdown anywhere from six months to a year if you use them 3 or more times a week.  Protect your feet and invest in good shoes.  If you don’t know what shoes to buy, there are places that will observe your stride and show you what shoes are best for you.  Try on different several styles and then order your favorite online at a discount. (Amazon, etc.)  Don’t forget to bring lots of water to class to stay hydrated.  Purchase a sturdy, refillable water bottle so you don’t have to spend money on bottled water.  I like the Camelback brand (no leaks)!

FOURTH TIP: NUTRITION.

  This is a big one.  Frequently, there are people in my classes that get frustrated because they're not reaching their goals.  After some investigation, I discover they have changed their fitness routine, but not their nutrition routine.  I believe it has to be a lifestyle change!!   I am not a big supporter of diet plans. When you are told not to do something or not eat something, that can become all you think about.  Then you feel guilty when you mess up.  Some practical tips for your lifestyle: 

1.       Only drink water, no sodas, juices etc.  I've known people who only stopped drinking soda and lost 20 pounds!

2.       Make your own lunches at home and reduce the amount of times you eat out.  Serve meals buffet style... it is harder to get a second helping if you have to get up to get more.

3.       Eat things with real color. I go to a lot of business dinners with my husband, and I have learned to be selective.  Stay away from the huge rolls, butter and starchy potatoes. Load up on veggies, salad, and portion your meat. (A serving size should equal the size of your fist.) 

4.       Share desserts.  I am a baker and enjoy making treats.  The key to baking is not keeping the sweets in the house.  I save a small amount of goodies for the family, and give the rest to the bus driver, school teachers and neighbors! They will love it, and you will love not having the extra calories around. 

5.       Don’t buy it.  The key to nutrition starts at the grocery store.  Buy things with real color – fresh vegetables and fresh fruit (buy what is in season).  I like to price match items from other stores to save money.  Say "no" to processed foods. Anything that comes in a box and can be heated in 5 minutes is probably not good for you.  Read the labels.  Also, use spices...they add flavor, not calories. 

6.       Personal Favorite Recipes.

a.       Breakfast:  Energy Balls, Pumpkin muffins, Bananas, Smoothies (strawberry/ banana)

                                                               i.   Energy Balls: Mix 1 cup oats, ½ cup ground flaxseed, ½ peanut butter, 1/3 cup honey, ½ cup chocolate chips or raisins, 1 tsp. vanilla.  Chill for 30 minutes roll into balls.

                                                             ii.     Pumpkin Muffins:  Mix well small can of pumpkin with one spice cake mix.  Spray muffin pan.  Makes 12 large muffins

                                                            iii.      Oatmeal Peanut Butter Oatmeal Smoothies:  Mix well in blender 1 frozen banana, ¼ cup oats, 1 tbsp peanut butter, ½ cup yogurt or milk.

                                                           iv.      Strawberry/Banana Smoothie:  Fill blender with frozen strawberries ¾ full, then add one banana, 1 cup vanilla yogurt and add orange juice to your favorite consistency.

b.      Lunch:  Ham and Cheese Wraps with lettuce & tomato, hard boiled eggs, or avocado with lettuce and tomato wraps.  For variety, warm it up on a Panini grill or George Foreman Grill.   

c.       Dinners:  Chicken fajitas on the grill, homemade vegetable stew or baked sweet potato fries. Lots of fresh veggies and fruit –fresh steamed green beans with squeeze of lemon and salt, steamed carrots with little drizzle of honey, or roasted broccoli with sprinkle of olive oil.

FIFTH TIP:  EXERCISE.

  Start at home! If you are new to the world of fitness, begin walking ten minutes a day. You can put young children in a stroller and GO!  They will love being outside. Increase your walking time by five minutes every week.  Once you feel like you’re ready to add more, jog for a minute, then walk a minute and continue.  Set a goal by registering for a 5K with a friend.  Add variety like climbing stairs, or walking up a steep hill at the park while the kids are playing. As the weather gets warmer, get creative at the park. There aren't many people there at 9 o’clock in the morning.   Do planks with your feet up on swings, pushups on the park bench, tricep dips off the side of bench, pull ups on the monkey bars, reverse crunches hanging from the monkey bars,  chest pulls using the chains of the swings, walking lunges and traveling squats in the grass. 

A lifestyle of fitness should be enjoyable!  As you set goals, experiment with different activities and find a workout that's fun! The benefits you will experience, an elevated energy level, increased strength, and improved overall wellness, are well worth the time and effort you expend. Ultimately, the time spent exercising and preparing healthy meals is an investment. We are called to live a FULL life!  It may take time from your daily schedule, but it will increase the quality and length of your life.   You can do it!!

Full Steam Ahead!!

Beginning a new school year, the anticipation of an exciting adventure, looking forward to the freedom of summer~we all can relate to the great expectations we have as we begin new seasons of life. At the beginning of a new calendar year, our family gathers in the living room and sets personal goals for the year ahead. This year, as we were sharing our goals for 2014, I was drawn to Isaiah 43:16-21.  In this passage, God spoke through the prophet Isaiah encouraging the Israelites to set their focus towards the future.  He emphasized that all the great miracles that God had done for them in the past were "nothing compared to what I am going to do" in their future.  Isaiah declared, "Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new!" The Spence family set this passage as our mission statement for 2014.

What are your goals for 2014? Do you believe God has great plans for your future, more than you can possibly imagine? This journey called life is filled with joy and grief, success and failure, hope and disappointment.  How do you discover all God has for this life and approach your future accordingly?  I looked up the definition of a few words we hear often in Christian circles to see if I could find some answers...

I.)  FAITH is a noun defined as "complete trust or confidence in something or someone."  Hope is a synonym for faith. Hope is defined as "a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen."I love this!! God has designed our human nature with the need for hope...the expectation and desire for great things to happen!  Where do you place your faith/hope?  Is your hope found in success at work, or raising perfect children, or buying beautiful things for your home and trendy clothes?
Colossians 3:1-2 states, "Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights (hope) on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God's right hand.  Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth."
It's easy to trust God and in his plans for our future when things are going well, isn't it? The challenge comes when our circumstances are topsy-turvy, and we don't understand why things aren't happening the way we think they should.  I have found that during my times of deepest struggle (grief, failure, uncertainty and disappointment), I lean into the hope I have in heaven.  In these moments, there is a comfort in the fact that this world is not my home.
Isaiah 43:1-3 promises this, "Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--Because I am God, your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your Savior."
 Another of God's promises is written in Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'"
God has the same power and the same love for us no matter what our circumstances may be. Do you believe God's promises are true? Do you have an excitement and anticipation for the amazing things God has planned for your future? As I spend time alone with God, reading the Bible and talking to him, my relationship with him is strengthened. The more time you spend with someone, the more you know them and trust them...right? If you're faith in God is weak, spend more time with him.  He wants to show you his faithfulness.

II.) FOCUS is the state of having or producing clear visual definition.  Focus is also a verb defined "to become able to see clearly." When I'm driving my car, I need all obstacles and distractions out of my way in order to see the path ahead clearly. The same is true spiritually.  If we want to receive the vision and focus needed to see our future clearly and hear God's direction, we have to weed out the things that distract us.  What are your distractions? Are you worried about what others are thinking about you? Do you find yourself anxious about details in your life that you can't control? Are you putting things in your mind that are not God honoring?
Proverbs 4:23-27 instructs us to, "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don't get distracted; keep your feet from following evil."
We all have distractions in our lives; even good things can be distractions! Ask God to show you the things in your life that are taking your focus away from his BEST for you. Once he's shown you the distractions, ask him for the strength to weed them out. He will help you!  God doesn't stop at showing us where we need to improve, he provides a path and clear direction as we obey him wholeheartedly!

III.) FOLLOW THROUGH is an action verb that means "to press on in an activity or process especially to a conclusion." WOW!  This one was especially powerful to me because this is the step that actually makes a "world changer"! Many people have various levels of faith; and several even have a clear focus and direction for their lives, but it takes a warrior to follow through with the vision that God places on your heart.  There will be trials as you follow through with the vision God places on your heart, but that is when you will see God's power and your faith will multiply!  Do you see how it comes full circle?  1 Peter 1:6-7 tells us to "be truly glad. There is WONDERFUL JOY ahead (hope!), even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.  These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold...So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." A primary benefit of persevering through difficult times is strength.  Your faith will gain strength, which results is greater joy and ultimately, will draw others to the Lord and to this everlasting joy!

God knows your past, present and your future!  Our job is to walk through doors that he opens for us (follow through)...He truly has incredible opportunities in store for you.  As we walk in obedience (focus), and trust that he will provide all that we need (faith), we will see AMAZING things happen.   Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to, "Trust God from the bottom of your heart;  don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track."  Have an awesome week, one step at a time!