Taking Inventory--Cultivating a Healthy Home

Parenting is the greatest adventure I've ever known! It has changed me and challenged me in so many ways. I used to think that if I had a schedule/plan and did my very best, all the details would add up to this picture perfect life. I would ask the Lord for help and guidance, but I'd stress out like it was all up to me. It's one thing to ask the Lord for guidance and do everything in our power to live out his plan. It's entirely different when we ask the Lord for guidance and then navigate our obstacles, stressed out and worried, thinking it's all up to us.

Jon Thomas (17), Karleigh (9), Jared (13),  Jordan (16)

God has blessed us with four beautiful children. They constantly amaze me! In those precious moments when they share their hearts with me, I see wisdom, strength, and discernment beyond their years. If I've learned anything through my parenting journey, it's that I am human and I will NEVER be perfect; nor will I be able to meet every mental, spiritual, or emotional need of my children. Jon and I do everything in our power to encourage, empower and counsel our kids, but only God can meet all their needs. Therefore He deserves all the glory as our children develop into Godly men and women.

I am continually brought to my knees with prayer requests for my kids...requests for direction, protection, provision, friendships, etc. One thing I wish I'd known in my younger years was the power of prayer.  As I stated earlier, I had a tendency to lean on my knowledge and strength as I cared for my kids' physical and emotional needs. This seemed to work well in their early years, but looking back I realize how much more fun I could've had--the freedom and joy I would've experienced if I had trusted the Lord more and worried less. As I've grown and matured in my faith and as a parent, I've learned to pray fervently when there are concerns or red flags. In her book "The Power of a Praying Parent," Stormie Omartian states, "I learned to identify every concern, worry, fear, or possible scenario that came into my mind as a prompting by the Holy Spirit to pray for that particular thing." Jon and I have seen God answer desperate prayers when we call out for help. The Lord healed a significant heart murmur found at our daughter's two-week check up. God has placed great friends in our kids lives and has "weeded out" friends that were not good influences. We've experienced unity as a family at times when Jon and I have had to make significant decisions that would affect everyone in our home.

This is a printable on imom.com that specifies ways to pray for your family, including scriptures to pray for each topic.

Every morning before breakfast, I pray that the Lord would guard my children's hearts and minds during that particular day. Proverbs 4:23-27 is a wonderful passage of scripture to teach and discuss with your kids. In this passage, God emphasizes the importance of guarding our hearts. The heart guides our decision making. He states that whatever enters our eyes, ears and thoughts determines the condition of our hearts and ultimately the direction of our lives. Our kids need to hear this! When my oldest child was in the first grade, a friend of mine mentioned how she had her kids physically put on the armor of God before leaving their home each day. I loved this idea and immediately integrated it into our morning schedule. The children say each verse and pretend to put on each piece of armor while quoting the scriptures (Ephesians 6:14-17). They are memorizing the scripture while getting a visual picture of how God protects each part of our physical body.

When a child becomes a teenager, there is a beautiful relationship that emerges between a parent and a child, but there are also other voices that begin competing for the child's loyalty. I want to be their biggest cheerleader and their closest confidante, as I guide them toward the One who is with them at ALL times. Great parenting takes dedication and determination! An NIV commentary on Proverbs 4:5-7 explains--"If you want wisdom, you must decide to go after it. It takes resolve--a determination not to abandon the search once you begin, no matter how difficult the road may become. This is not a once-in-a-lifetime step, but a daily process of choosing between two paths--the wicked (4:14-17, 19) and the righteous (4:18). Nothing else is more important or valuable." Be consistent with your kids. Make clear boundaries and explain why you have set them. Consistency and communication go hand-in-hand. Talk to your children!! Let them know that you aren't perfect, and that you don't expect perfection from them. I want my kids to know even though I fail at times, I put forth my best effort all the time. Apologize when you do fail. Let them see humility in you, and the willingness to ask for their forgiveness. I promise, this will go MILES.

Jon with our teenage boys at an Alabama football game (Fall 2013)

As I approached the topic of parenting and cultivating a healthy home environment, I decided to gather some data from our kids about their perspectives on our home. As Jon and I are raising our four children, we're in a constant state of "tweeking"... how can we improve, are we as attentive as we should be, did we respond in the best way to that situation, etc. Keep in mind that Jared and Karleigh answered the questions together, but the older boys were asked individually and didn't know how their siblings had answered. The questions I presented were as follows...

I) What do we do well as parents and as a family?
Karleigh (9): We have devotions every night and serve the Lord. Our family goes to church and prays together 4 times a day.
Jared (13): As a family, we always take time out of our week to spend time together. We always eat supper together. We make it a point to go to everyone's activities.
Jordan (16): We are really good at acknowledging when we've done something wrong, and we're quick to apologize.
Jon Thomas (17): Our whole family is welcoming. The neighborhood kids and friends from school always feel comfortable at our home.

II) What makes our home an enjoyable place?
Karleigh: We have fun doing things together--mini golfing, getting Sonic shakes, laughing together. We are welcoming of others.
Jared:  We do a variety of things for fun...we don't do the same thing over and over. We make each other laugh.
Jordan: We understand each other. We all have a similar sense of humor, so it's easy to make each other laugh.
Jon Thomas: Each member can take a joke. We know each other's humor and what makes each person laugh. Nobody takes our lighthearted humor personally.

III) What makes our home a safe haven?
Karleigh: You are all nice to me and comfort me when I'm scared.
Jared: We're respectful of each other. We never scream at one another.
Jordan: Most of the time you seem to understand where we're coming from.
Jon Thomas: You accept me.

One of the first things I noticed was how important laughter is to each of our kids. We do laugh ALOT! Every evening at dinner, there are a multitude of topics that emerge...many of which bring laughter. I've prayed that each person in our family would have positive, uplifting memories of their time in our home.  I also noted that two of the four expressed that our home is "welcoming". When Jon and I married, I remember specifically praying that our home would be a place of peace...a place where people felt comfortable and at ease. As we had children, I asked God to help us provide a home where our kids would want to bring their friends. During the boys' younger years, Jon built a cool fort (twice, because we moved), and we invested in a trampoline because we wanted our home to be FUN! As I'm taking inventory of our kids' thoughts, God helped me see direct answers to my current prayers, as well as answers to prayers that were prayed years ago.

Karleigh and me after participating in the mud games at church camp :)

IV) How could we improve our home/family environment?
Karleigh: We could be less irritating to one another.
Jared: Sometimes I feel like I spend too much time playing video games.
Jordan: I feel like at times you don't acknowledge that you are wrong when we present our case.
Jon Thomas: As parents, I think you should look more at the "dos" instead of saying, "We need to maintain boundaries." We need to focus more on the "dos", less on the "don'ts."

It's important to provide a safe environment where your kids can respectfully present their thoughts, even when they're not positive. Children are insightful and very perceptive.  Honestly, Jon and I have learned much from our kids through the years.  Does this mean we immediately make changes or agree with every argument they have? Ummm, no!! BUT, we listen carefully and thank them for their honesty. How can we tell our kids that they can come to us with anything if we're not willing to listen when they disagree with us?

Here are two great passages of scripture to pray for your children:

"I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called--his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance," Ephesians 1:16-18.

"We have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy," (Colossians 1:9-11 NLT).

Jon and I are so far from perfect, but our prayer is that Jon Thomas, Jordan, Jared and Karleigh will be world changers for God's glory.  In all our imperfections, our desire is that God's grace and perfection shines through!!

"Praying the Scriptures For Your Children" and "The Power of a Praying Parent" give specific scriptures to pray when confronted with various challenges that your children face. (They address challenges that effect children of all ages.) 

*Imom.com is an incredible website with great ideas and guidance for parenting kids of all ages. You can also follow her on Pinterest.  Here are a few of her recent posts that you might find helpful:

www.imom.com/mom-life/family-fun/spring-break-bucket-list 
www.imom.com/parenting/toddlers/parenting/training/25-things-kids-can-do-on-their-own/
http://www.imom.com/espresso-minute/2014/03/17/the-best-parenting-books/
http://www.imom.com/parenting/teens/parenting/training/10-life-skills-your-teen-needs-before-leaving-home/

**Focus on the Family has been a wonderful resource for parents for since the late 1970s:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/articles/parenting_ministry.aspx